Reviews of eHarmony

I would strongly agree with what Mike in Seattle had to say about Eharmony and about dating very attractive/goodlooking people.

My experience with Eharmony has been very similiar to what he mentioned and negative as well.

A good majority of people on eharmony are looking for a needle in a haystack and are so unrealistic that they close you out immediately. I get closed out a lot because I don't have my picture viewable until after open communication, or for the reason 'other' which is no explanation at all, and other assorted reasons. I think a lot of it comes down to people being too picky/ie they are looking for a needle in a haystack and have set their goals way too high.

Take it from me that dating someone goodlooking who people envy you for is not all that great. I know that from personal experience.

I met someone online who seemed great at first. This online dater was tall, goodlooking, had a good job, their own car and home, and basically seemed like a great catch. My family and friends thought he was wonderful and too goodlooking for me.

But looks are only skin deep and can be very decieving. The more I got to know this online dater the less I liked him. Over time I came to find out that he was wasn't all that great. He turned out to be a liar, as well as a poser and people-pleaser to the extent that he didn't have any original opinions or thoughts of his own, and he turned out to be sadistic and verbally abusive.

I can't emphasize enough that looks are only skin deep. And I for one don't have time to waste on people that believe otherwise. Sure I have a type I look for but I don't close someone out because of that alone. Pictures don't tell that much about a person to me, people are much more than just a few pixels.

And despite what Eharmony says in their advertisting they have psychos, and emotionally unstable/ unhealthy people, as well as players, and married people in their system. Their rigorous screening process doesn't weed these people out.

So, yes, the genuine online dater gets to waste their time and money with Eharmony.

I say save your money and use it elsewhere. Don't waste it on eharmony.

If you have more to say feel free to visit: Without_Eharmony http://groups.yahoo.com/group/without_eharmony/

I paid for two full years on eHarmony, with a full year break between the two. It's a gigantic rip off. I recommend Match.com, although that's starting to get greedily expensive as well. At least they don't pretend to be God though. I would've been fine with eHarmony claiming to be all-knowing if they actually were, but they chose awful matches for me, and I met several, and they were friendly enough, but when they're charging such massive fees for such abysmal service it really seems unethical. Go with match.com, or if you're less serious HotorNot.com is actually the best value on the web.

I find it funny that two recent reviews have somehow morphed my admission that my looks are at the high end of average to that I have model looks. I'm very average - I actually think I look kind of dorky, but I certainly don't have characteristics that disqualify me from recieving matches (I'm about 6'0"/190) based on my physical characteristics.

As to recieving matches, I benefit from both being a professional and living in a large metropolitan area. It seems EHarmony works less well for people in the more rural parts of the US - people that would seem to need the service more than those that lived in population centers.

Assuming scarcity of matches due to geographic anomolies is not your problem, the comment I've been reading a lot of is "I'm an intelligent, attractive guy, yet I rarely get dates." I hear you, brotha, believe me. Having been through that experience, it's hard to get a grasp of the fact that holding the interest of someone of the opposite sex is just as much a skill as accounting, engineering, sales or truck driving. The people you see (i.e. "jerks") that seem to have natural ability with this skill, just work at it more, and build on their experiences. EHarmony and other dating sites only enhance this lack of skill by stripping away any physical warmth and charisma you may have and forcing you to sink or swim based on your words.

I also see a lot of complaints that men get closed out after communication starts, but before "open communication" is reached. Two answers to this - first, use the "fast-track" feature to send them email immediately. Of course, you risk them not being a member at not being able to respond, but them's the breaks. Another important thing to consider when making your profile and sending your responses, as crystallized in the film Swingers, is "you've got to stop talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream". Do not be at all deferential in your profile - i.e. writing things you thing women will like. Be creative and funny. The goes double for open communication.

In short, I think my appearance has had a lot less to do with my success than some people here have expressed. I think it's much more important to use a lot of creativity in creating your profile, knowing how to make yourself sound interesting to the opposite sex, and being (or appearing to be) interesting during open communication.

Online dating has become the tool for the type of people looking for the needle in haystack. A fun-to-look-at-face has as much importance as someone having a good career to many of the people dwelling in the online dating world. These are the reasons online dating is a pain in the @$$. This is why I feel badly for genuine online daters.

With the dating mentality we are seeing online, there is no wonder the divorce rate is 60%. Requirements like a big income and a prestigous job are man-made characteristics. Man-Made characteristics cannot hold a relationship for more than 5 years. A person looking for someone with over the top good looks is probably the most stupid requirement of all. Several years ago I was in a committed relationship with a woman who resembled Ginger Grant (the actress on Giligan's Island). The whole relationship was a huge ego boost at first. Everyone I knew was very envious. Then I started hearing rumors, about people I knew plotting to steal her from my side. (This behavior just makes a person cling to their partner, not because of insecurity but just to spite the plotters. No one ever wants to be trumped, the relationship becomes a game.) This kind of reaction was a high but the high will always crash. After several months she just looked like a normal person, from my point of view. The aura of good looks doesn't last----Trust me. Attraction is a must for a relationship but sometimes going too far is a obstruction. What's the point of making $300k if the person you are sharing it with becomes sour. The same rule with looks. Whats the point of being with a '9', when after 2 years you are attracted to a '6', with a brilliant personality.

'Obstruction' is the key word. Too many online daters are being held back by these obstructions. Obviously, these people need more mental conditioning, before they enter into a relationship. The best summary. You should feel happy to be rejected by such a immature dater.

I am with ya Dan. If you have a model type face, you wont have any problem AT ALL. But if you are under 6ft with a less than perfect facial structure,than your better off finding someone offline where YES they have to incorportate the personality thing in makin their decision. Lets face it guys there is much more in selecting a mate, than a `pretty face`.

I think `commenter` and `eharmony subscriber` really proves what many people have known all along. That if you don`t have a model perfect face and physique, you will not suceed on eharmony or any other dating site for that matter.

I'm an early 30's male professional who is probably at the higher end of average in attractiveness. I've had really good results with EHarmony. I have more matches than I can really correspond with. I've probably been matched up 500 times and gone out on about 20 dates (I close most of my matches - usually because I'm not physically attracted to them or they live far away - despite having the most narrow geographical settings). The majority of the women I've gone out with have not been crazy. Some I wasn't that into; some weren't that into me. I have seriously dated three women I met from the site for a month or more (I've been a member off-and-on for the last ten months.)

I have only a few problems with the site:

* The fact that they match you with non-paying members who cannot respond is aggravating.

* EHarmony has a pre-determined age range within which all your matches are sent. I tend to look a lot younger than my age and I generally date women younger than I am. Yet, I am hammered with 37, 38, 39 year old women, some of which look old enough to be my mother. This is especially annoying because, according to EHarmony customer support, there is no way to change it except to make it wider. They don't even allow you to keep the same range but to move it down (say change 30 to 39 to 26 to 35).

* The geographical restrictions don't seem to work particularly well. I'm not sure how SF, Oakland, Livermore and Tracy are within "my city" when I'm in San Jose.

I kind of like the channeled communications because it's a time saver - you don't spend a lot of time scratching out messages to potential dates who won't respond.

I have been with e-harmony for quite some time and have to say that as far as matches go, I've been quite happy with the people they sent me.

I don't get a lot of matches, but am not offended as the ones they have sent me seem to be good for me, and I'm into quality, not quantity. If I wanted quantity, I would go to match.com.

As for the complaints here, I have a few things to say:

1. If the people they send you are not your type, then just close the communication. In real life, you would do the same thing. The people who receive matches who aren't their physical type just have to let it go, and the people who get told they are not physically attracted to that person can't take it personally either.

2. Not everyone wants their picture posted. I am an ex-model, and needless to say, that if I post a picture, I will bet bombarded with e-mails, especially on other sites, but e-harmony lets me communicate with people who don't seem to mind I don't have a picture up, and if they do, then so be it.

3. All in all, I think that matching on other criteria besides interests and professions is a good thing. Because if someone is a "techie" and someone else is out there to save the world, it doesn't mean that they will not be compatible in other ways.

All in all, take e-Harmony for what it is, a chance to meet people, and stop thinking about it as the answer to your unhappy singledom.

I went to eharmony because of the advertisements, that eharmony matches people with like inner qualities and interests. However I find that the female participant's are unresponsive to just start a communication. However could someone get to know each other if they do not even show interest in communicating. All so often do I hear women say that they would like someone to accept themselves for being themselves, however seemingly this is a oneway street, women at Eharmony wish to find their mate by physical attributes. I made requests to Eharmony for refund requests, because I was disturbed by the negative qualities of the female eharmony members, and everyone of my requests were meet with eharmony operators telling me I need to post a picture- although the entire selling point of this site is to match people deeper than physical interest? Oddly I am an Intelligent and accomplished individual, who is in excellent physical condition and i don't have reservations about posting a picture because i was hiding something, I was in fact looking for someone genuine without basing my opinion on physical appearances but the inner person and was hoping to find the same respect- So if you are male and seeking the same- EHARMONY is not the place.

My experience with E-harmony has been rather interesting. When I first subscribed about a year and a half ago, I thought things went well. I had heard Neil Clark Warren interviewed and had liked his reasoning behind E-Harmony. For me it was helpful in meeting single females who are indeed marriage minded. Plus there have been a couple of women who I was actually interested in meeting. Two of them, I did get to meet in person though to do so meant trips up to Portland. Sadly, there have been two others who I was eager to meet looking over their profiles but they both closed the match before we got to open communication.

However, as I'm sure others reading this would agree, there can be big blocks of time that can go by without introductions to new matches. More recently, I have especially found this to be the case. Also, the vast majority of to whom they've introduced me have been two hours or more out of my area, all but three in fact. I wrote them to suggest some Christian mass media in my local area in which they might consider advertising.

The thing is, I didn't get anything in the way of a response. Nothing whatsoever. Not even an acknowledgement that they had received my correspondence. Folks, I don't know about all of you but that's not what I call customer service. Are we real people to them or are we just a "name and number" on their database? With things having gone as they have as of lately, I am wondering about how much more of my time E-harmony is going to be worth.