Reviews of eHarmony

I should have taken most advice listed here but no b/c I tend to go against the grain and the majority. Well, I've been fooled. The first thing that ticked me off is that they auto renewed me when it was not clearly stated. I saw an option for 1 month at $59 or 3 month deal for $99. I only wanted to try it for one month so I signed up for $59. I figured they would cancel me but they did not and billed me $39 for the second month. Anyone who knows elementary math knows that $59 + $39 > $99 so this was like an underhanded scheme they pulled on me by the non-explicit auto renew standard setting and now I only get 2 months for the same price plus I had to set my auto renew settings to non-renew.

The second thing that ticked me off is I spent 20 min filling out this so called expert 'psychological' profile and I get back a bunch of conclusion about me. I'll go into that later. Initially I got like 20 matches w/in 2 days except only one posted photo and the others have photos but 'match selected to share photo at a later stage'. So I responded to half that seemed interesting. I then go through this 3 stage process of selecting likes and dislikes, must haves and can't haves, then pre-selected open questions. The other person must respond to me before I can go forward on each stage and this process can take several days to a week. After all this time, you finally get to ask open questions. Well, most matches never revealed their photos until the last stage. The only problem with this is that the match may not be my type, no before you call me superficial, there are certain types of people that you are attracted to as well. So after all this work I found that some are not my type in physical appearance while others have chosen to close communication with me.

Last, this psychological profile about me is nothing but a bunch of generic stuff that can match about a third of the people I know. I read one of the profiles of my match and about 70% of her stuff matches mine. Anyway, unless you have $60-$110 laying around and lots of time playing this getting to know you stages, go try another site that's less and cuts to the chase much faster.

This site kind of pissed me off.... i am an out lesbian and tehy have no way for any of the 6 color family to sign up... they only have it for males looking for females and females looking for males... it makes it seem like they dont think homosexuals are important,that we dont have true love for our partners, and that we can keep up a relationship like heterosexuals. i am very upset about the fact that they have all of these tv comercials and advertisements but they dont serve to the whole community.

I wish I had found this site prior to signing up. My expectations were not too high after week one but I figured I would give it a chance. I had been on Match for a while and that site is no longer what it was. They have disabled all the ways for people to contact non-members. They got rid of on-line IM's. Non-members can no longer read emails or even know who emailed them. People are emailing non-members that cannot respond unless they sign up. I heard that they were caught sending emails to people from their staff. I figured I would get off Match and try eHarmony. My friend said the men there are more serious about meeting someone not just meeting many women for sex. I thought what the heck. The questionaire was never ending and sometimes pointless. What was with the finger length question? When I was done, my compatibility profile said I would best be matched with a man who was indifferent about children and didn't want them in his house. I am 46 and a single mother. I freaked out. I figured it was because I said my parents were not too attentive. So I guess you are stuck with someone who parents like mom or dad. As others have said customer service is worthless. Don't waste your time emailing them. I emailed for a week and finally they let me retake my questionaire. At first it said my potential mate valued being a parent and liked kids, then the next day it was back to someone who didn't like them. I emailed them again and got more form letters even though my subject said "no form letters." There thing is "keep an open mind" and don't worry about slight details. I didn't see how I would get along with someone who didn't want children in his life and how that was minor. I did after a while call and that person actually gave me some answers. They told me that even though I retook the questionaire the report would stay original. She said my matches were based on the retake. I have to wonder. I said I wasn't happy with the way the profile read. How could I show that to anyone? What would they think of me if they read my mate would best be someone who didn't like kids and that he wanted to spend his time focusing on other things? Besides that, I am a tall woman and I keep hearing from guys on here how woman just care about height. Well I don't see any ads for success stories with women 4 inches taller than the guy. That is what my matches are (from 5-2 inches shorter) and I am not even talking about with shoes. I have one match that is taller than myself and he was given to me in the child-hater stage. Not sure I am interested. I have not talked to one guy and have not received one I care to talk to yet. My matches have not contacted me either. I wonder if they are even members any more. I don't like that. The guys look like they are educated and decent but I don't know why height is a non-factor. My ex was shorter and I am no longer open-minded that way. They also preset women to date men who are ten years older and only three years younger. I would like to know what they set mens' age preference to. I get men in their 30's hitting on me when going out and actually like younger guys. I changed that but then if the mens' are set to only date much younger women then what good is that. Why can't they make it 5 years younger and older for both? I wonder if they are even more picky than I would be. If I meet any guy off there I will be shocked. I am tall, very attractive and well educated. Do they have 0 guys that would want to meet a tall attractive educated woman? If there are any nice guys in W burbs that want a date, tell me where you are hiding.

To the guy who keeps getting billed - contact your credit card company and deny the charges in writing.

I rated eHarmony two stars because I think they are on the right track. They were fairly responsive to my concerns and I felt they cared for the most part. But the system simply did not work for me, and it cost more than most dating sites.

Personally, I am very intrigued by learning about personality types and how that knowledge can be applied to relationships. Once I found out about eHarmony, I was really excited and signed up immediately. However, it wasn't to be. I am just ending my third year with them, and will not be renewing.

During the firs two years I went for several stretches of 3 to 4 months with no matches. The eHarmony support staff told me that "it takes time, etc." and that I should think of expanding my search criteria from in my state to nationwide.

I must admit that changing my location requirements helped a lot in terms of the sheer numbers of matches. But this was a double-edged sword. Sure, I received more introductions, but the process of communicating with them made me realize I have a great job and a great life in AZ, and I don't want to move. The same went for the women. So, even though I had more matches, they have proven to be just a waste of time.

I understand that eHarmony is supposed to use 27 variables to find the right fit, but almost every one of the 41 matches I received over my three years was totally not what I'm compatible with. I counted them up; 34 of my 41 matches were super-outgoing, life-of-the-pary type women. Nothing personal, but in a relationship, I dont' get along with those types. I fit mutch better with quiet, introspective women. When I contacted eHarmony, they assured me that their system works and that, "it takes time, etc." I suggested that possibly my profile test may have been inaccurate, but they resisted allowing me to retake it. I was going to shut down my account and open a new one with a totally new personality profile test, but I decided that three years was enough. Forget it.

Finally, I think they changed their matching formulas last year. It seems as if the criteria has gotten a lot broader. Maybe there were too many people complaining about not getting enough matches. I'm not a big guy (5ft 6in), and this past year I've been getting matched with women who are 5'8" to 5'10". In addition, the age range has increased dramatically. All I know is that these things never happened during my first year.

I actually made it to the communication stage with six of the 41 matches. I closed 16 matches and 19 women closed out on me. That's pretty even, so I don't feel I was being too picky.

One woman had some potential, but we both had just started new jobs and neither of us were able to move across the country. What do I have to show for 3 years and a fair amount of money? Communicating by email with six women, one in-depth. No relationships. Not even any dates.

In two months, I've started more actual communications through fusion101.com than in my entire three years with eHarmony. Surprisingly, the women seem to be no better or worse matches to my personality than what was found through eHarmony. I'll see how it goes.

Ok, I'm not reviewing the site for the matchmaking potential, I'm rating the service they give.

Some idiot signed up for e-harmony, but used one of MY e-mail addresses, either by mistake or on purpose. When I notified e-harmony of the error, I got an automated reply that promised a personal response shortly. I can deal with that, providing they make it a very short turnaround.

But it wasn't short enough. During that time, I had five potential dates waiting for me to start communicating with them. After a couple of days, I gave up waiting and changed the profile. That didn't work. They sent me five more.

So, I wrote again, asking that the account be closed because A) I'm married, B) I'm female, and C) my husband and I are not interested in a third party in our marriage. I stated that very clearly.

Their response? To e-mail me back, saying they were sorry I was leaving them, but if I decided I wanted to come back, I would have a discount available. Then they informed me that since my name was in their system, it would be a couple weeks before all correspondence with them stopped. Obviously, someone wasn't actually READING anything sent to them.

I finally got through after filling out a survey of why I was leaving, then sending another e-mail (mostly capital letters).

Their response? To inform me that it was "obviously not [their] fault." What? It wasn't their fault that they don't read their own e-mail? So, while I never blamed them for the mistake in having an account set up with the wrong e-mail address, I do blame them for the impersonal way in which they respond to such problems.

My experience with eHarmony has been extremely positive. I believe they are everything they represent themselves to be. They are a serious site, for serious individuals looking for honest, committed long term partners. The one thing that takes getting used to, is the act of being “closed” or being the person doing the “closing”. However, if the chemistry isn’t there, you should nip it in the bud as soon as possible, for the good of all concerned. One pre-requisite before you seriously begin this process, is that you should have your act together before you go out looking. I’ve been a member for about 3 months, I already have 22 closed matches. I gave about half of them a chance by starting the communication process, but once it became obvious it wouldn’t work out, I closed it.

I have been dating one great woman I met on there about 6 weeks now. We will see what happens, but it seems to be working out quite well. It has got real potential. But my experience is that eHarmony is probably the best internet matching service available for serious singles.

Because nothing is perfect, I give eHarmony 4 stars. I do have to say that I signed up rather skeptically after an old college roommate gave a glowing review of all these wonderful and available men (mind you, she is in the midwest and I am in LA, so there is potentially a big difference in the dating market here). But I do have to admit that I have been pleasantly surprised, but only after having TRULY committed to the process of getting to know and meet people in person. It's essential to meet as soon as you feel you are potentially interested, as one reviewer pointed out, it's not penpals.com. I made a big mistake of talking with a guy for quite a long time and when we finally met in person there was no chemistry. And yes, there will be rejection, so be prepared! As with anything else in life, there will be people you think you hit it off great with and for whatever reason, they choose to keep looking. So you have to take that in stride. I'm now into my 6th month or so on the site and things are getting better. As I mentioned before, you have to be truly committed to responding to the emails and meeting people. If you're semi-dating another person (as I was when I initially signed up) and not sure what to do with the eHarmony people, then you should wait until you're really ready to give it a go. Otherwise, you'll spend the first few months vascillating between Mr./Mrs. Right Now vs. the potential Mr./Mrs. Lifetime Partner. Big difference. So you must dig a little deeper and ask yourself what you are really ready for and desire to have in your life! Best of luck to you. I hope this helps!

By the way, in case you were wondering, the old college roommate that recommended the site to me is coming to LA in a couple of weeks with her eHarmony match to shop for engagement rings......

I've tried EHarmony off and on for a total of nine months. Their site recommends you should try it for a year, which seems like an awfully long time, but it's worth it if you find the right person.

I personally know two E-Harmony success stories that led to marriage, so I know it works. The question is: did it work because of E-Harmony's profile matching, or because two people found a way to make things work? I've had some dates from E-Harmony but not too many second dates. One person I dated for a month, and we had some things in common, but I was just unable to build a chemistry with them. I may try it again some time, but I have the following tips and observations:

Patience is a virtue and that's true for online dating, especially with this site. You go through several stages of communication, usually in the from of sharing answers to canned questions and lists of must-haves/can't stands before e-mailing back and forth. It can get draining. It can take 1-2 weeks from inital contact to e-mailing someone. You definitely have to spend time getting to know people face to face. I put off meeting someone face to face and lost contact with them. I regret it. Don't spend more than a couple of weeks just e-mailing someone. Take it to the next level. This isn't penpals.com. Also, don't reject someone by just their photo. I would prefer that they have a photo. Sometimes I can be shallow, but having a photo shows that they have made the effort to complete their profile. Granted, sometimes people have difficulty uploading thier photos, but they should edit their profile to mention that and offer to e-mail you a photo. Also, with the limit in photo size, I've found that people almost always look better in person than what their photo suggests, so please give the benefit of the doubt.

Also, after a while the profiles all start to look the same. For a site that's based on personality, it's harder for that uniqueness to stand out. Another pet peeve: I never figured out what the 29 dimensions of compatability are. It's like the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices. I think it would help EHarmony if they told their customers what it is exactly on which they are basing the matches.

I was blessed with a lot of matches, but not many from my general area. Most people did not respond. I believe there are a lot of profiles still on their site of people who are no longer active. Unlike Yahoo and Match.com, there is no way to tell if a person is active until they respond to you. While you save time not actively searching for people (EHarmony sends you the matches automatically), you end up wasting time trying to communicate with people who aren't there. There is no wink feature for communicating with inactive people. EHarmony should not send matches of inactive profiles, or at least let people know how active they are. This would enhance the site tremendously.

eHarmony was way too hardhearted for my taste.

For me, the mechanics of the site worked decently enough. During my three-month membership, the matches I received were all within the age range and more or less within the 30-mile radius I specified. I received 50 or 60 matches – not bad, considering I'm 45 and have a small child, and that's not a scenario everyone my age wants to be part of.

The problem I had with eHarmony is its atmosphere. I found it to be a surprisingly cold and humorless place. Lifeless, really. The site's relentless questionnaire and its impersonal summaries of individuals ("John is good at resolving conflict") seem to squash all the life out of the matches. On Match.com and Yahoo, there's a wackiness that runs through the listings. You can pick up on an individual's personality and sense of humor (at least in those who possess one). But in all the matches that eHarmony sent my way, I spotted only one, maybe two, in which some personality shone through.

Combine that gloominess with eHarmony's dreaded Close feature, and you've got -- as a previous poster put it -- a whole new way to experience rejection. (Why, oh why, does eHarmony think I want to log on and see immediately that a match has sent me a Closed message? Finding out that matches I wasn't interested in have sent me Dear Jane letters is more info than I need. That detail should appear when I click on a match to know more. eHarmony would no doubt cheerfully explain that knowing these details up front helps me move forward. Note to eHarmony: No, it doesn't. It's just a bummer.)

Salon's personals (www.salon.com) look like more fun, and for me that's what getting to know other people is all about. I've also been enjoying a live-and-in-person flirtation with a dad at my daughter's preschool. So wish me luck, and the same to all of you.

Let me say that eHarmony isn't great, but it's still better than anything else I've tried. In fact eHarmony is the only site where I've gotten response from females.

I think evolution has geared the female to look for perfection. This results in 95% of the women wanting 5% of the men, and if I were among the 5% I wouldn't be writing this. At eHarmony they used to run the matching process in a way where you would receive matches at a fairly slow rate. I don't know if my theory is correct, but I suspect this slow rate results in women still considering the 5% rule, but on a much smaller population. Therefore, 6 months ago women would request communication at least on a daily basis. With a surge in memberships they have decided to feed you 5 matches each day, and that has resulted in me getting trashed by just about every match that I get from eHarmony. Women are clearly no longer interested in me, even though my profile and photos are identical to what they were 6 months ago.

Interesting conclusion, isn't it? Same profile, same deal, but only interesting when the choices are limited. When mixed with lots of other men, I'm trash.

I'm not a bad catch, 38 years old, 6'1", 180 lbs, Ph.D., fairly high income, but I'm not Mr Perfect.