Reviews of Lavalife

Guys, listen to me, as I am only going to say this once:

The girls on Lavalife are on there for a REASON... Mainly because 99% of them are whackjobs that can't think properly, or even hold a conversation. I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but it's true. And no, the same can NOT be said about men. Why? Because, in all honesty, most of the men are on lava because meeting a girl in person at a party/bar/club/whatever is more gut wrenching than Fear Factor, and girls know this.

Think of it, how often does a girl get NERVOUS when talking to a guy at a party? Very seldom, because girls generally know that they have say in where the relationship will go from there, and that guys aren't as shallow as girls, and thus will not shoot you down because of the car you drive/job you have/clothes you wear/etc..

Guys will adore you if you have an ounce of personality, unfortunatley most girls lack this, and thus rely on their big boobs and tight ass to lure the Sugar Daddy.

Also, girls, you don't hold all the cards when it comes to lava chatting. Saying "lol" and "yeah" and "cool" after every single paragraph the guy types gets noticed, trust me. Guys will usually be nice and not bother telling you that he could type better with his toes than you can with your hands, but trust me, he's losing interest in you by the minute.

Anyways, I have met 6 girls from lava in the past month and a half. Only ONE was able to keep up a good conversation and not just shake her titties in my face for 3 hours thinking that would do it for me. Unfortunately, she was about 200 lbs (her profile said she was "average", mind you), so I guess she just made up for that by being a liar. Anyways, I cut communication from her the next day... Fat liar. Why lie about things like this? Did she think I wouldn't NOTICE?

So, as I was saying, I've met 6. Now, the other 5 were fuck ups, plain and simple. Now, I by no means think I'm perfect, far from it, but I do have some general sense on what to say and what NOT to say on a first date... Why do girls think it's cute to practically PUKE on this rule?

General Rules: GIRLS READ! ---------------------------

No, I don't want to hear how many guys you've had sex with. Especially those you've slept with just days before meeting me.

No, I don't want to hear about the car(s) your last boyfriend drove, and how his car(s) put mine to shame.

No, I don't think it's funny that you burp and fart infront of me 2 hours into our date.. Oh yes, I really want to take you home to meet my parents... Pig.

No, I don't want to see your dumb ass get up and dance in my livingroom because a clubbing song you like is on the radio... Face it, club dancing looks retarded when it's being done next to a friggin' coffee table in a room with no fancy lighting... Seriously, you just look like an idiot starving for attention.

Yes, I do care that you have a kid. Thanks for bringing that up 3 hours into our date, and not telling me over lavalife, THANKS!

Yes, please take off those hooker boots you decided to wear to the Mandarin (chinese restaurant). You look like you're about to shovel some hay into a cows mouth.

No, Don't bring you friend on our date... I paid my money and used my credits on lava to talk to you, and to see you, NOT to entertain your dumbass friend. And as much as I love sitting in the background and watching you make 200+ inside jokes with your friend about people I couldn't possibly know, I think I'll pass.

---------------------------

Are these rules THAT hard to follow? Would you believe me if I told you that these are taken DIRECTLY from the 6 girls I've met from lava? If you ARE surprised, let me tell you something, I am not.

I don't blame lava, really, I think this behavior is quite common on all online dating services.

Like I said at the beginning of this review, girls on Lavalife are on there for a REASON. Reason being? They are severely LACKING somewhere in the mental prowess.

one thing I've learned, is when a girl from lava tell you that you're the 11th guy she's met from lava, you really, REALLY have to heed the warning.

* WARNING: GIRL IS A PSYCHOPATCH *

Anyways, guys, be weary of the girls on lava, they tend to NOT be the person they claim to be on lava, but will try their damnedest to convince you that they can squeeze their thights into that pair of size 6 jeans.

Please, ladies, use your damn brains. Guys notice when you lie, we just tend to be nice about, and then we just stop returning your phone calls.

Oh, and those fake/planted lavalife profiles are a bitch, too.

- Mike

Wow, I cannot even begin to describe how horribly UN-user-friendly this site is. It gets my vote for having the worst interface. Nothing about navigating through the site is intuitive.

Like other sites, most of the profiles appear to be fake. Prices are a rip off. 50 credits for $14.95, and it takes 6 credits to email someone. So that means you can email 8 people at about $1.87 per email. That's outrageous!! Other sites I've seen that use credits charge about half that.

Lavalife is so poorly designed and so laughably expensive, it gives me a headache just talking at it.

my experience has been mostly positive on lava. in 3 months, 9 dates, although after weeding out the "married looking for trouble" ones and the "oh my god you are not like your picture" ones, 3 real ones. those 3 however were very nice and honest in their expectations. I have had no where near the same success with match.com or yahoo personals which charge by the month regardless of success.

yes I get hits from Thailand and Russia to try to get me to burn credits. yes, 80 miles away being considered local in their search engine, is stupid. the credit system does not make much sense (why 6 credits and not 5 since they are sold in blocks divisible by 5). yes lots of postings are never going to give responses (ego stroke postings). and yes women with public pictures are going to get random hard core unsolicited photos. all valid complaints

my biggest complaint is that the intimate section is very active and the dating section sits for weeks at a time with no activity. I have talked to several who told me they dont expect answers on the dating section anymore, so they go to the intimate encounters section, with no interest or intention of any such encounter. that may be a regional problem.

but overall, i like lava because I control my cost, spend what i want, and I do meet real people.

So…I am highly educated with a high IQ. I’m athletic and I’m pretty sure that I’m good looking (ok, I am). You know what else? I’m so frickin’ nice it is sickening. I haven’t found “the one” so I thought I’d try “Grab-a-Life”, I mean Lavalife. I can’t even get a woman to reply to me, never mind go out with me! What do these women want? I can’t help but to think that most of the women on Lavalife are just looking for a sugar-daddy. Honestly I think that because I am still working on my PhD. (translation=no money), women just don’t want to be bothered with me. Have no doubt, that people who use internet dating services are a select group of people and the ones who choose Lavalife are even more “select”. No, not everyone is the same, but most seem to be young people with careers or in University who are better than average looking and who “love going frickin’ hiking” even though you know damn well, none of them have ever gone hiking in their entire lives. I used to go hiking, but where I grew up we called it “getting lost in the bush”. There’s no bush in Ottawa.

Suddenly my high self-esteem has gone to the toilet! Like it has been said before, there are many more men than women on Lavalife and I think a lot of women get an inflated sense of self-importance because of it. What do I mean? This profile pretty much sums it up…To start with is she great looking? You can look her up and decide for yourself. Somehow she has the audacity to post this profile:

“ASTRO_GIRL1 Know the rules - read my profile BEFORE contacting me!

Hi. I have been here for several months, and it appears as though every guy on Lavalife wants a chance to date me. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but you must know that I have my choice of guys, and that I will not even consider you unless you are a 9+ in terms of looks, personality, intelligence, and career. If you do not have a picture, you will not be considered, and your messages will be deleted. If you contact me and I am interested, I might not respond immediately, as I may have to consider you in relation to my other options. But if you are feeling lucky, by all means instant message me. However, DO NOT attempt to message me again, even if you think you are being considered; I will delete your messages and you will lose any potential chance that you have. So once again, here are the rules: -you must be a 9+ -you must have a picture -do not contact me more than once -and if I don't respond, I'M NOT INTERESTED Any violation of the rules and you will have ZERO chance of being considered.”

Good luck with that one guys. That’s not the first one I’ve read like that either. If anyone cares what I think about the turn-ons and turn-offs, for profiles on Lavalife, then here are a few:

1. Don’t put up a picture with a guy in the picture, even if he is mostly cropped out and even if it really is your brother.

2. Smile in your picture. I don’t want to date the next “supermodel-on a-mission”. Your smile reveals more about you than anything. Don’t make pouty or kissy faces either.

3. Don’t put up a picture of yourself with a drink in your hand. I don’t know…that’s just my personal thing I guess.

4. If you have kids say so in the profile.

5. Don’t put up a picture that makes you look better than what you are.

6. If someone sends you a smile and you are interested, then write back, don’t send a smile back! You are just saying, “yeah I’m sort of interested but because I want a sugar-daddy there is no way that I am spending money on credits to write you back” Unless a profile specifies “write me” I just send a smile to begin with, because it is less “invasive” that way, somehow it seems more polite.

7. Two words: Spell checker!

8. Don’t call yourself “Sex Kitten” or “2 cute 4 u” or something stupid like that, that refers to sex, or how good looking you are.

9. If you have a picture up don’t tell me how great-looking you are, I can SEE your picture.

10. Save the “Hustler” style clothes and poses for “Intimate Encounters”. Guys don’t generally want to date sluts.

11. Don’t use your profile to said angry messages to people who you have dated on Lavalife that didn’t work out.

12. Don’t talk about past relationships at all in your profile. I don’t want to know!

13. Before contacting one woman, I checked to see if she had a profile in “Intimate Encounters” and she did. I didn’t contact her. What is it that you are really looking for? What kind of foundation are you trying to start a relationship on? If you are into one-night stands, that’s fine, but don’t post a profile in the “Relationship” section saying you are looking for that one special guy and then a different one in “Intimate Encounters” saying the exact opposite!

14. Don’t say things in your profile you don’t really mean. This was on another site actually, but I was thinking of contacting one woman but she said she was only interested in guys that were at least 6’3”! I am 6’2”, so “oh, well!” Did she really mean that?

15. Somehow it is also a turn-off when people “secretly” give their email address out in their profile. Don’t you think Lavalife deserve to be paid for the service they are providing you? They have families too!

16. If you have definite age limits then save everyone some grief, and include that in you profile.

I actually like the way Lavalife is set up. If you contact people a lot, it might be cheaper to use a pay-by-the-month plan on another site, but if you are like me, and rarely contact anyone, then the credit system is great!

I’ll admit that… I guess, just because of how I was raised, my social skills are not as refined, as some guys. Maybe I am underestimating that, as the reason for my failure, but at this point I am not too eager to spend any more of my time, energy or money at Lavalife, although I’m sure I will keep browsing anyway, just because it is a lot of fun.

lavalife is a complete scam. their system is filled with fake profiles. i can't count the number of times i get smiles from attractive women on the site, and then when i respond with an email or a message (read: spend credits), suddenly there is no response on from these supposedly interested women.

look, dating is tough enough. but to have to put up with the constant trickery of this site is totally discouraging. every time that i respond to a smile, i now feel like charlie brown with lucy and the football. you want to believe, but it gets swiped every time.

and, of course, when the profile is real, it's is usually a bbw. which, is not really what i'm looking for. i'd quit, but at this point i still have credits, that i just can't stand to leave behind. so, instead, i'll let the swindlers get their due, and then, i'm done.

Okay..I've read the reviews and I just have to laugh. What do you mean by the site "works" or is a "scam". They do not guarantee that you are going to find love or even a date! That is all up to you. I've been on the site for a while and a lot of the men's profiles are pathetic, cheesy and just simply desperate. Be realistic with your expectations!!

THIS SITE IS A SCAM!! DO NOT JOIN!! THEY GIVE YOU A FREE TRIAL AND THEN CHARGE YOUR CARD ON THE SECOND DAY!! When I wrote them about their little scam they started jerking me around with such gibberish as "Please note that if you cancel at least 24 hours before the end of your free trial then no amounts will be taken from the credit card that you have used to receive this promotion." CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT BULLSHIT? I CANCELLED ON THE SECOND DAY!! THEY REFUSED A REFUND AFTER 3 EMAILS. I WARN YOU ALL: DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THESE SCUMBAGS. THE SITE BLOWS, THE WOMEN ARE HIDEOUS AND PRETENTIOUS, AND IF YOU REALLY NEED A SITE TO GO TO TRY YAHOO. ITS NOT BY ANY MEANS GREAT, BUT DEFINITELY BETTER THAN ALL THE REST.

It seems like too many people are actually expecting to meet people from these sites! j/k I have been on Yahoo, Lavalife, AFF, Iwantu, wildmatch, etc over the last two years. The women on these sites are shallow, unrealistic in their expectations and more than not, women who can't get a date normally due to thier size/weight/looks. How many men meet these fantasy requirements!! And then there's the married ones who are looking for discreet encounters and if you don't have 6 pack abs and a 10" penis, forget it. I have met about 8 people over the last two years and believe me, people lie about themselves. Athletic means they can't run 100 yards, proportionate means they can't sit in an airplane seat without taking up half of your seat too and good looking means your dog would throw them back. How about the profile that looks too good to be true, guess what, it is! You respond to them and then get spammed with porn sites. Can't win for losing. If you don't drive a BMW or have lot's of money, you can forget meeting these babes for sure. Have fun people!

Well, I would have to say although I have met one or two people in the flesh from Lavalife, the site is a big scam. I have sent "smiles" to many people who within 5 mins respond with a "smile." Once you try to initiate a conversation they drop off the face of the earth. So either there is a lot of people out there who change what they want in a period of about 10 mins, or the site has planted accounts. I guess either can be possible but if you change your mind every 10 mins...that's probably a good indication of why you are on a dating website. LOL Best of luck to all!

A lot of these reviews seem to be from men.... would you like to hear about it from a woman's perspective?

I've been on LL for a few months. My experience sounds different from all of yours. Yes, my pic is public. Yes, my profile is real. Yes, I have sometimes made the first move and *gasp* bought and used credits. No, I am not a "professional".

I can get quite a few smiles, e-mails and backstages in a week. If you're wondering why a girl might not respond, it's not necessarily because her profile is fake. Maybe it's because your profile is rife with misspelled words and those annoying "lol" things. Maybe it's because you think that you're "fit" or "muscular" and, well, you're not! Maybe you've put a "rant" in your profile about women who "play games" -- it really doesn't make you look good. Maybe your pic includes a poorly blacked out picture of your ex. Maybe your IM introduction made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe she's not interested in a guy over the age of 40 with grandkids! Maybe your e-mail is an obvious form letter.....

I've met about a dozen guys for coffee, drinks, dinner, whatever -- and I've kept quite a few of them as friends. And yes, sometimes I don't get answered back either -- suck it up and move on to the next one!