WOW! A lot of people on this site have had very similar experiences to mine. I don't want to come off as 'sour grapes' here! HA! I DO believe it is possible for people to find more than just a casual relationship via e-harmony.... I just don't think I'm one of them. :)

It hasn't been good.... and to be brutally honest, if I had a low self-esteem going in (which, thank God I didn't), it could have been a crushing one. I know one friend who found her 'soul mate' and is married via e-harmony. Another just informed me she's meeting a guy this weekend and she sounds quite optimistic. I also know of two situations that led to divorce and countless more that led nowhere.... er, and one that was sort of 'scary' so BE WARE!

I think the "problem" with any on-line (or off, for that matter) dating in our present culture, has very little to do with the "service provider" and much more to do with our culture.... to quote Dr. Charles Stanley, "Too often we reject even the opportunity to get to know another person because the person isn't handsome or beautiful enough, isn't rich enough, doesn't come from the right kind of family, or doesn't have the right color of hair or the right laugh." Dr. Stanley is a Christian pastor and author, so the 'Christian' piece of the puzzle is implied... He suggests that we should be open to what God has for us. And moreover, that we should NOT be asking God for a person who meets our 'laundry list' of 'the perfect gal or guy.' Instead, we should ask God to "Give us what we NEED, not what we think we WANT." What He (God) will give us will be based not upon what we think would be appealing or satisfying but upon what He knows will be the best for us (as well as any potential partner) [excerpt from Dr. Stanley's book, "God has an Answer for Our Unmet Needs", p.163]. ...I think he's right.

Unfortunately, both men and women aspire to have what the culture deems 'valuable,' in the opposite sex and which, quite frankly, flies in the face of what is of any true and lasting value or worth. Let's face it, when a guy puts in his profile that he is looking for a woman who (and I quote), "..he won't be ashamed to be seen with," that speaks volumes regarding what he values. Um... I closed this guy down, though I'm sure he'd have done so to me, given the opportunity! HA! I NEVER used 'other'... I used, 'I don't think we have the same values'... DAH! Which, I didn't. I had no desire to know him. I'd have been ashamed to be seen in public with a guy with a heart like that!!!! :) ... regardless of his manly good looks! What troubled me the most about these types of comments (and there were a lot and a lot worse, I might add) was that they were supposedly coming from men sincere in their Christian faith??? I honestly, would rather not have been made aware of this alarming reality.

Now, I am not 'stunning,' but neither am I a 'troll.' Another comment a guy wrote was that he was looking for a gal who "... took care of herself." Hmmmm. I was so busy taking care of other people, I just didn't really think about expending time and energy on the 'me, me, me,' you know? However, this is a trait that isn't quite so valued. More is the pity. Oh, well... I truly think e-harmony works BEST (though, I'm sure there are a few exceptions to the rule with this) for people who meet all of the world's criteria for being 'valuable' or 'sought after,' ... you folks should have no difficulty at all meeting people who want to know you and spend time with you (regardless of what you are INSIDE,.. though, you could well be 'great' inside as well! HA! Or not... I'm just saying it won't matter and you'll have 'opportunity' based on the exterior that the rest of us won't)... and more power to you! You will not have to contend with what the rest of us have to..., which is a whole lot of rejection based on superficiality, shallowness or selfishness.. How tragic. There are so many great people out there, with so much to GIVE. Still, I'm an optimist. I haven't given up. Surely there are other people out there who think and feel the way I do. I just don't think I'm likely to find them on e-harmony.

The 'deal breakers' for me with 'on line dating' was age (child bearing capacity, anyone over 40 is going to have a hard time, even if you look like Angelina Jolie, most guys [and again, I'm sure there are some exceptions to this rule] in their 50s and 60s are going to want a woman 10 to 20 years younger), attractiveness (based on the culture's ideal, not mine, I ROCK! HA! :), education level (too much for some men's ego, though I could have cared less) and love of the Lord (which is only going to increase with time, not get 'shelved' :). These are all things I can't really do anything about, EVEN IF I WANTED TO,... which I don't. I like who I am and where I am heading. It'd just have been nice to have met someone headed in the same direction, you know? To gals in my situation, I'd advise NOT to waste your time and money. To the rest, I say, GOOD LUCK TO YOU but make sure you know HIS heart matches his face! :)