My goodness, I’ve never heard so much whining in my life. I cannot believe there are so many people out there that ‘just fell off the turnip truck’ by fully buying into the eHarmony advertisements. EHarmony can no more conjure up your perfect mate than any other site. It does provide a venue to meet others, and the rest is up to you.

I took the test, being skeptical, as I am a scientist and am often bemused by the use of the word ‘scientific’ in such contexts. I had just come out of a terrible relationship and wanted to date without leaving the house, or showering for that matter. I was sent four matches initially, with which I initiated contact (if you’re sitting around waiting for others to contact you, you’re wasting time and money). It was comforting, that given my professional position, that my profile and picture were not open for the perusal of just anyone – it was limited to those matches deemed ‘compatible’.

I valued the ‘courting’ stages, as this did help screen out people with whom it was obvious I would be completely incompatible (eg. someone who was very religious). By the time I got to the OC stage, I felt like I knew enough about the person to carry on a comfortable online conversation. Email is such an odd way to communicate with perfect strangers in the first place – there is no ability to express tone or body language. Nothing can compare to meeting people in person, though. In the 3 months I belonged to eHarmony, I was sent over 100 matches. Some closed me out, others I closed because of typical reasons (eg. distance). I tried to be as honest and open as possible in all my communications and keep my expectations reasonable.

I dated three men, each having some aspect of their personality that was incredibly compatible with me. I nearly didn’t contact the first one because I didn’t find his picture attractive, although I decided that if I was going to get the most out of this experience I needed to give it my all. We had a good first date with an easy flow of communication. He was nice, although I didn’t feel any immediate chemistry and we decided to go out again. I met another man who was wonderful, a professor (like me), an ex-Peace Corps volunteer (like me). We had so much in common, but ultimately, there were a few deal-breakers noticeable on the first date, so we did not go out again. The third man I met, I spoke to for hours on the phone. We had such incredible chemistry, he was lively, funny, and charming. We met for lunch which did not go well at all. I know myself too well to ignore my ‘creep detector’ going off continuously. Eventually, he revealed that he had been arrested for domestic violence in an incident involving his ex-wife. Yikes. Needless to say, that was the end of that.

Let’s be reasonable people. A written questionnaire cannot screen out the crazies, liars, or rageaholics. This test and many others are only as good as the intentions of those taking it. The number of matches sent your way is limited to the number of members in your area. I come from a small-ish city, and adjusted my expectations accordingly. And even though the advertisements seem to imply that getting a ‘soul mate’ is a done deal, do you REALLY think it will happen for everyone? Come on, do you believe EVERY advertisement on TV? You may be an attractive, successful person, although if you have expectations that significantly limit your dating pool, then that is your problem, not the fault dating site (which I may point out here is a business, designed to make money).

I’ll say it again: eHarmony does not conjure up people to meet your exact criteria. They give you the raw material, and the rest is up to you.