So…I am highly educated with a high IQ. I’m athletic and I’m pretty sure that I’m good looking (ok, I am). You know what else? I’m so frickin’ nice it is sickening. I haven’t found “the one” so I thought I’d try “Grab-a-Life”, I mean Lavalife. I can’t even get a woman to reply to me, never mind go out with me! What do these women want? I can’t help but to think that most of the women on Lavalife are just looking for a sugar-daddy. Honestly I think that because I am still working on my PhD. (translation=no money), women just don’t want to be bothered with me. Have no doubt, that people who use internet dating services are a select group of people and the ones who choose Lavalife are even more “select”. No, not everyone is the same, but most seem to be young people with careers or in University who are better than average looking and who “love going frickin’ hiking” even though you know damn well, none of them have ever gone hiking in their entire lives. I used to go hiking, but where I grew up we called it “getting lost in the bush”. There’s no bush in Ottawa.

Suddenly my high self-esteem has gone to the toilet! Like it has been said before, there are many more men than women on Lavalife and I think a lot of women get an inflated sense of self-importance because of it. What do I mean? This profile pretty much sums it up…To start with is she great looking? You can look her up and decide for yourself. Somehow she has the audacity to post this profile:

“ASTRO_GIRL1 Know the rules - read my profile BEFORE contacting me!

Hi. I have been here for several months, and it appears as though every guy on Lavalife wants a chance to date me. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but you must know that I have my choice of guys, and that I will not even consider you unless you are a 9+ in terms of looks, personality, intelligence, and career. If you do not have a picture, you will not be considered, and your messages will be deleted. If you contact me and I am interested, I might not respond immediately, as I may have to consider you in relation to my other options. But if you are feeling lucky, by all means instant message me. However, DO NOT attempt to message me again, even if you think you are being considered; I will delete your messages and you will lose any potential chance that you have. So once again, here are the rules: -you must be a 9+ -you must have a picture -do not contact me more than once -and if I don't respond, I'M NOT INTERESTED Any violation of the rules and you will have ZERO chance of being considered.”

Good luck with that one guys. That’s not the first one I’ve read like that either. If anyone cares what I think about the turn-ons and turn-offs, for profiles on Lavalife, then here are a few:

1. Don’t put up a picture with a guy in the picture, even if he is mostly cropped out and even if it really is your brother.

2. Smile in your picture. I don’t want to date the next “supermodel-on a-mission”. Your smile reveals more about you than anything. Don’t make pouty or kissy faces either.

3. Don’t put up a picture of yourself with a drink in your hand. I don’t know…that’s just my personal thing I guess.

4. If you have kids say so in the profile.

5. Don’t put up a picture that makes you look better than what you are.

6. If someone sends you a smile and you are interested, then write back, don’t send a smile back! You are just saying, “yeah I’m sort of interested but because I want a sugar-daddy there is no way that I am spending money on credits to write you back” Unless a profile specifies “write me” I just send a smile to begin with, because it is less “invasive” that way, somehow it seems more polite.

7. Two words: Spell checker!

8. Don’t call yourself “Sex Kitten” or “2 cute 4 u” or something stupid like that, that refers to sex, or how good looking you are.

9. If you have a picture up don’t tell me how great-looking you are, I can SEE your picture.

10. Save the “Hustler” style clothes and poses for “Intimate Encounters”. Guys don’t generally want to date sluts.

11. Don’t use your profile to said angry messages to people who you have dated on Lavalife that didn’t work out.

12. Don’t talk about past relationships at all in your profile. I don’t want to know!

13. Before contacting one woman, I checked to see if she had a profile in “Intimate Encounters” and she did. I didn’t contact her. What is it that you are really looking for? What kind of foundation are you trying to start a relationship on? If you are into one-night stands, that’s fine, but don’t post a profile in the “Relationship” section saying you are looking for that one special guy and then a different one in “Intimate Encounters” saying the exact opposite!

14. Don’t say things in your profile you don’t really mean. This was on another site actually, but I was thinking of contacting one woman but she said she was only interested in guys that were at least 6’3”! I am 6’2”, so “oh, well!” Did she really mean that?

15. Somehow it is also a turn-off when people “secretly” give their email address out in their profile. Don’t you think Lavalife deserve to be paid for the service they are providing you? They have families too!

16. If you have definite age limits then save everyone some grief, and include that in you profile.

I actually like the way Lavalife is set up. If you contact people a lot, it might be cheaper to use a pay-by-the-month plan on another site, but if you are like me, and rarely contact anyone, then the credit system is great!

I’ll admit that… I guess, just because of how I was raised, my social skills are not as refined, as some guys. Maybe I am underestimating that, as the reason for my failure, but at this point I am not too eager to spend any more of my time, energy or money at Lavalife, although I’m sure I will keep browsing anyway, just because it is a lot of fun.